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Date: 2021-11-01 11:52 am (UTC)He heads into his own room to grab a few things, then strips a woolen throw off his bed to carry outside. The cigarette smoke means he'll need to wash it before letting it touch his sheets again, but that's a small price to pay. He's conscious to make noise as he opens and shuts the sliding glass door to enter the balcony, not wanting to startle the other boy.]
Here.
[He holds up the blanket in obvious offer, and unless Ren refuses, he'll drape it over his shoulders like a cloak.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 11:59 am (UTC)Ren does look like something to admire. Red plump lips, pale legs crossed and stiletto nails holding a cigarette between his fingers as he puffs on it. The sight of a blanket is a wash of relief, and Ren takes it with a nod of his head.)
Thank you, honey. Are you okay?
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Date: 2021-11-01 12:05 pm (UTC)That's my question for you, idiot. You're the one who refused to dress for the weather.
[He extends a leather-gloved hand expectantly, waiting for a cigarette to be offered. It's become something he can share only with Ren, something that's at once paradoxically a form of rebellion, and a socially-acceptable form of intimacy.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 12:10 pm (UTC)Ren taps the chair next to him, a daily routine now to sit here and watch the street with Akechi. He wouldn't change it for the world.)
I'm not the one who became a giant crow, though.
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Date: 2021-11-01 12:17 pm (UTC)Ren's directness brings another snort to his lips as he lights the cigarette and brings it to his lips.]
Straight to the point, hm? [he observes, a note of fondness breaking through the weariness in his voice. He exhales thoughtfully, watching the smoke dissipate into the cool autumn air, then glances sideways to Ren.]
I'm not the one who was murdered by a giant crow. Again, the question is better suited to you.
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Date: 2021-11-01 12:30 pm (UTC)Ren's not mad, either. So many people tried to murder him, and Ren's not going to hold anyone accountable. It wouldn't be fair to anyone, really, when they clearly weren't in their right mind.)
I'm fine. You weren't you -- neither were Mercy.
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Date: 2021-11-01 12:34 pm (UTC)Making excuses doesn't erase the trauma, [he points out, trying to restrain that ugliness with limited success. His nose curls in distaste as he shakes his head.] Nor does it excuse my actions. Honestly, how many times am I going to have to try to kill you before you get that through your thick head?
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Date: 2021-11-01 12:38 pm (UTC)(He already warns Akechi, hopefully, both know that as a fact. He can use that line next time he consciously puts a gun against Ren's forehead and pulls the trigger, not now when he simply became a whole ass monster before Ren's very eyes. Ren takes a rather large drag, allowing the smoke to swim comfortably in his lungs before it exists through his nose and he clicks his tongue.)
I was murdered so many times this past week it just feels like more of the same. You're the one I'm worried about.
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Date: 2021-11-01 12:46 pm (UTC)I'd kill you simply to rob someone else of the pleasure, [he says bluntly, fixing Ren with a stare. His stomach roils in disgust, because as much as he hates it, it's true. Ren can paint his actions in whatever light he chooses, look at them through rose-colored glasses if he must, but the fact remains that even now, the thought of someone else getting their grubby hands on him is even worse than the thought of Ren's death.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 01:07 pm (UTC)All that this is doing is proving Ren's point that the one who needs support, listening and loving is none other than Akechi, as much as he rebukes it with every single cell in his body whenever Ren tries to give it. Ren's gaze is intense, piercing, and it might just stab Akechi's heart in its burning sincerity before the deep voice makes his point known.)
What do you want from me, Goro? Punishment? I know the man I love.
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Date: 2021-11-01 01:17 pm (UTC)[He does feel as if he's been stabbed with those words, painful in their sincerity. He can feel his own teeth grinding as he tears his gaze away from the other man, unable to meet his eyes.]
You, [he starts, and hates the way he feels so vulnerable, like Ren's torn him open with words alone. Fuck, when's the last time someone told him they loved him and meant it? Toward the end, he wasn't even sure if his mother truly meant it, or if his memory of her is warped as so many things in his life were. There's an unfamiliar burning sensation right behind his eyes, and he squeezes them shut as if that might ease it.]
You're the most infuriating man I've ever known, [he manages, voice slightly hoarse through the effort of gritting the words out.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 01:27 pm (UTC)There's no doubt in his mind, and it was about time that Akechi heard it from him, but he wasn't expecting it to make him cry, or come close to. Ren knows the man he loves, and he's sure that attempting to soothe it won't end up well. Instead, his hand closes around the other's, delicately, and he squeezes it.)
I've been in love with you since home. I knew who you were then, I know who you are now. I'm not going away.
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Date: 2021-11-01 01:34 pm (UTC)I ripped you apart, [he chokes out, hating how weak his own voice sounds and feeling his shoulders starting to shake.] I ripped you open and I enjoyed it. And I can't promise it will not happen again, and it very well might. You can't honestly tell me you feel safe around me.
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Date: 2021-11-01 01:37 pm (UTC)(It's not an order, but the sternness in Ren's voice might as well be a very strong plead.)
What if it had been me? I had been transformed, and I ripped you apart?
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Date: 2021-11-01 01:42 pm (UTC)It's not the answer Ren wants to hear, but it's true. Ren could tear Akechi limb from limb, and it wouldn't even make up a fraction of what Akechi's done to him. His nostrils flare, and dimly, he realizes the burning he'd chalked up to exhaustion is tears welling in his eyes. He hasn't cried since he was a child, longer still in front of someone. Ren's cried in front of him, and that's fine, but the idea of crying in front of Ren is terrifying.]
You wouldn't enjoy it. [His voice emerges in a whisper, not daring to speak any louder.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 01:47 pm (UTC)(But in this place, the tenuous line between moral and immoral that Ren finds himself watching and walking, everything is possible. Ren wants to kiss Akechi, that's something he knows. As if the contact could wash away all the sadness, all the guilt that sinks within him... Unfortunately, that's not possible, not here, anyway.)
Please, Goro. Let me be with you.
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Date: 2021-11-01 01:52 pm (UTC)[It's a quiet, cracked whisper, an admission that's been lurking in the back of his mind for a long time. Years.
Who in their right mind would go to such lengths to exact revenge on one man? Who in their right mind would kill innocents just to serve their own aims? Who in their right mind would drive themselves mad with rage in pursuit of power, rip their own mind apart in an unquenchable bloodthirst? Who in their right mind would try to kill the one positive influence in their life, not once, but multiple times? Who in their right mind would enjoy it, would do it again, if only to keep someone else from doing it first?]
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Date: 2021-11-01 02:01 pm (UTC)(If Akechi doesn't know who he is, and he won't accept Ren's vision of him, that's the only thing they can do. Soul search, trying to understand who Akechi is outside his traumas, who he would aspire to become in a world far from their own.
He could start over. Ren silently hopes he can see that.)
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Date: 2021-11-01 02:23 pm (UTC)He just can't understand why Ren would go through such lengths for him. He never has, and honestly, can't imagine he ever will. His palms grind against his eyes until he can see sparks, trying in vain to stop the tears from flowing.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 02:29 pm (UTC)Ren doesn't care if he gets pushed, punched, or yelled at. The blanket that drapes over his shoulder now shelters both from the cutting wind, and Ren wraps his arm around the boy's waist under it to bring him closer.)
It's okay, Goro. I'm here with you.
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Date: 2021-11-01 02:36 pm (UTC)He only makes it a few moments before giving in and sagging against Ren's side, one hand still covering his eyes as if that might somehow stem the flow of tears. He doesn't deserve this, but selfishly, he refuses to push Ren away right now.]
Comforting your murderer, [he manages finally, when the tears have run dry and all that's left is a bone-numbing exhaustion.] You truly are a glutton for punishment.
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Date: 2021-11-01 02:43 pm (UTC)Nobody's looking, Ren certifies himself before leaving the tiniest of kisses on his forehead, making sure none of the rouge lipstick stains white skin.)
I'm comforting my boyfriend.
(It's different, see?)
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Date: 2021-11-01 02:53 pm (UTC)Honestly, you really are...
[He closes his eyes and exhales a sigh, allowing himself to rest his head against the other boy's shoulder. He's drained, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally in equal measure.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 03:00 pm (UTC)(Ren continues. Last time Akechi left it at that, it wasn't great all around, so Ren's quick to mend it with a cheeky remark and a laugh, albeit a quiet one. Ren's thumb caresses Akechi's waist with ease, but he knows they shouldn't be up for much longer. A lot's happened, and Akechi could use some sleep, couldn't he? Ren takes a hand, removing the glove to press a kiss to the soft, fragrant skin, and gestures towards the apartment.)
Let's go to bed. I want to kiss you good night.
(And sleep for a week, most likely.)
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Date: 2021-11-01 03:07 pm (UTC)He's loathe to leave the warmth of their impromptu, tiny blanket fort, but Ren's right. He certainly doesn't intend to sleep on the balcony, so he'll be the first one up, freeing himself from the blanket to allow Ren to wrap himself up into it.]
Agreed. I'll see you in there.
[As much as he'd love to climb right into bed, he does have to wash his face and at least try to combat the damage stress and lack of sleep has done to his skin over the last few days. It'll give Ren time to finish up his cigarette if he still needs it, anyway. Not to mention that of course he'll need to remove his own makeup.]