It's not the answer Ren wants to hear, but it's true. Ren could tear Akechi limb from limb, and it wouldn't even make up a fraction of what Akechi's done to him. His nostrils flare, and dimly, he realizes the burning he'd chalked up to exhaustion is tears welling in his eyes. He hasn't cried since he was a child, longer still in front of someone. Ren's cried in front of him, and that's fine, but the idea of crying in front of Ren is terrifying.]
You wouldn't enjoy it. [His voice emerges in a whisper, not daring to speak any louder.]
In my right mind, I wouldn't. I don't know how it would feel otherwise.
(But in this place, the tenuous line between moral and immoral that Ren finds himself watching and walking, everything is possible. Ren wants to kiss Akechi, that's something he knows. As if the contact could wash away all the sadness, all the guilt that sinks within him... Unfortunately, that's not possible, not here, anyway.)
I'm not certain I know what my right mind is, Ren.
[It's a quiet, cracked whisper, an admission that's been lurking in the back of his mind for a long time. Years.
Who in their right mind would go to such lengths to exact revenge on one man? Who in their right mind would kill innocents just to serve their own aims? Who in their right mind would drive themselves mad with rage in pursuit of power, rip their own mind apart in an unquenchable bloodthirst? Who in their right mind would try to kill the one positive influence in their life, not once, but multiple times? Who in their right mind would enjoy it, would do it again, if only to keep someone else from doing it first?]
Don't you think this is something we can find out together?
(If Akechi doesn't know who he is, and he won't accept Ren's vision of him, that's the only thing they can do. Soul search, trying to understand who Akechi is outside his traumas, who he would aspire to become in a world far from their own.
He could start over. Ren silently hopes he can see that.)
[For a long time, the only sound is Akechi's own ragged breathing. Warm, wet tears soak into the leather of his gloves, and he doesn't trust himself to speak. If pressed, he couldn't articulate how he feels. He'd thought he'd been exhausted when he'd been trapped in Maruki's perfect fucking world, but that was nothing compared to this.
He just can't understand why Ren would go through such lengths for him. He never has, and honestly, can't imagine he ever will. His palms grind against his eyes until he can see sparks, trying in vain to stop the tears from flowing.]
(Ren knows that there is a high probability that Akechi won't appreciate comforting. After all, a lifetime of being on one's own can make one averse to such contact, to depend on another for heat and support when one needs the most.
Ren doesn't care if he gets pushed, punched, or yelled at. The blanket that drapes over his shoulder now shelters both from the cutting wind, and Ren wraps his arm around the boy's waist under it to bring him closer.)
[He stiffens at the unexpected touch, the startling warmth of the blanket being wrapped around him. It's stupid, painfully childish just how comforting the gesture truly is. The fact that Ren's even willing to offer it is just as absurd as everything else.
He only makes it a few moments before giving in and sagging against Ren's side, one hand still covering his eyes as if that might somehow stem the flow of tears. He doesn't deserve this, but selfishly, he refuses to push Ren away right now.]
Comforting your murderer, [he manages finally, when the tears have run dry and all that's left is a bone-numbing exhaustion.] You truly are a glutton for punishment.
(Ren snorts at the comment. To the contrary, this is a blessing. Never in a million years would he have thought being able to hold Akechi like this, against him, allowing him to nest in his warmth when he needs the most. He feels lucky, honored, all things that Akechi could never understand in these circumstances.
Nobody's looking, Ren certifies himself before leaving the tiniest of kisses on his forehead, making sure none of the rouge lipstick stains white skin.)
[The term of endearment makes him laugh, a harsh, ugly noise of genuine amusement that would have fans of the erstwhile detective prince crying. The word Aelwyn leveraged against them like an insult, the word he'd never dared to use himself, said with such ease as if somehow "boyfriend" and "murderer" couldn't possibly refer to the same person.]
Honestly, you really are...
[He closes his eyes and exhales a sigh, allowing himself to rest his head against the other boy's shoulder. He's drained, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally in equal measure.]
(Ren continues. Last time Akechi left it at that, it wasn't great all around, so Ren's quick to mend it with a cheeky remark and a laugh, albeit a quiet one. Ren's thumb caresses Akechi's waist with ease, but he knows they shouldn't be up for much longer. A lot's happened, and Akechi could use some sleep, couldn't he? Ren takes a hand, removing the glove to press a kiss to the soft, fragrant skin, and gestures towards the apartment.)
[He laughs again, more quietly this time. There was a time when he'd praised a response like that as innovative, considered working it into an interview response to make him seem more relatable to his peers in the audience. How foolish that all seems now.
He's loathe to leave the warmth of their impromptu, tiny blanket fort, but Ren's right. He certainly doesn't intend to sleep on the balcony, so he'll be the first one up, freeing himself from the blanket to allow Ren to wrap himself up into it.]
Agreed. I'll see you in there.
[As much as he'd love to climb right into bed, he does have to wash his face and at least try to combat the damage stress and lack of sleep has done to his skin over the last few days. It'll give Ren time to finish up his cigarette if he still needs it, anyway. Not to mention that of course he'll need to remove his own makeup.]
(That cigarette is burnt and gone, and Ren tosses the butt of it into the ashtray and stretches his arms before he stands. He does have quite a battle ahead of him - getting the fake nails out, the wig properly stored, the dress in the laundry bin...
Unlike Akechi, the makeup on his face is the least of his concerns. What is it going to do, become permanent on his skin? He'd look fabulous for life.
When Akechi returns, he'll find the usual scene of Ren in his boxers in bed, snuggling against a pillow that he koala-wrapped against.)
[There's honestly something almost comforting about applying a few drops of serum and massaging a light moisturizer into his face before bed. A tiny gesture of normalcy, if nothing else, a relaxing routine before crawling into bed with the most important person in his life.
The frown that curves his lips when he exits the bathroom and sees Ren in bed, apparently fully prepared to smear lipstick and foundation into his sheets, threatens to undo all that hard work.]
If you needed the bathroom, you could have just asked. I'm not washing my sheets because you stained them.
It's not going to stain. The lady put a magic spray on it.
(Whatever the fuck that was. Honestly, everything about the time he spent in that chair is a blur-- all he remembers, faintly, is the lady saying that no force on Earth would make his makeup smear, and she wouldn't lie to him, would she?)
Setting spray, [he corrects, exhaling through his nose with irritation. How Ren can be so emotionally insightful, and yet absolutely oblivious, will forever be beyond him. There is a vindictive part of him that wants to let Ren sleep in his makeup, just to experience how fucking shitty it is to wake up with it caked on, but after what they'd just went through together... well.] You'll clog your pores and dry out your lips. Come on.
[It's an order, Akechi resting one hand on his hip, the other crooking a finger in a firm "come here" motion.]
(He corrects, excuse him, he knows what he said-- and everything Akechi says afterwards doesn't really make sense to Ren, unfortunately. The boy never really had a pimple to begin with, why would he care about clogged pores when his skin is just Protagonist Perfect and lip balm exists, etc?
Like a cat, he stretches in bed, as if he was summoning courage to stand up and move to Akechi, a pout on scarlet lips.)
Idiot, [he reiterates with a roll of his eyes. It feels weirdly fragile to act as if everything has just gone back to normal, like he's clutching frantically at straws to say that yes, they're fine now. But isn't that all life is, really? Pretending that everything is fine until one day, perhaps, the scars do truly fade?
He clears space for Ren to take a seat on the counter and pours some makeup remover into a cotton pad. He's all business, as if perhaps if he pretends hard enough, Ren can't see the residual redness in his eyes from the earlier tears. His fingers take Ren's chin in a firm grip, but there's an obvious gentleness, almost reverence, in the way he swipes the the cotton pad across Ren's skin.]
(And it causes him to giggle as Akechi works on removing all the layers of makeup upon his face. It's ticklish too, he might add. Ren's fine, and he's glad that Akechi at least still has it in him to call him an idiot after what they've just gone through.
Life is change, things are not everlasting in a perfect still manner, and yet, Ren wishes that the banter would remain. Witproximityoximity, Ren can see each of Akechi's flaws up close, and truly, before he can stop himself, his lips move without his willing them to:)
[It's a gentle chide without any heat behind it as Akechi slides himself between Ren's legs and uses his grip on Ren's chin to turn his head this way and that. He's not only removing makeup, but also using it as a real, tangible way to feel Ren's skin beneath his fingers, to confirm to himself that he's here, he's fine and not physically injured. The pad lingers only a moment over the center of Ren's forehead, and he leans forward as if he might kiss that spot.
Then Ren opens his stupid mouth again to say something ridiculous, and all Akechi can do is laugh, gently shoving Ren's head back with the cotton pad as if to punish him.]
You're delirious, [he dismisses, even as his cheeks flush a light pink with pleased embarrassment.] Keep your mouth shut unless you want to find out if this tastes as good as it smells.
[Spoiler: it doesn't as he swaps out the dirty cotton pad for a fresh one and switches to a different makeup remover to get to work on the lipstick.]
(The tickling aside, this feels very nice. It's like a little massage on his face, and Ren all but vibrates with how happy all this caressing is making him, the smile almost too big for his face as he receives it.
He doesn't take it as punishment, but he doesn't get the chance to say anything else as Akechi works on removing the red from his lips. He patiently waits until Akechi's done, before his smile turns into something insufferable, and he puts his hands on freshly washed cheeks and saying it AGAIN.
No fear of death in this man.)
I think you're beautiful. I'll tell you again tomorrow.
[Tomorrow. What a concept. The idea of waking up tomorrow, not from a nightmare of dying, but simply waking up from a dreamless sleep in Ren's arms... it feels distant enough to be nothing more than an unachievable fantasy, but it's one he'd like to hope for.
He leans in and gently kisses Ren's lips, in spite of the taste of the still-drying makeup remover. He sighs an exhale as he presses his forehead to Ren's and closes his eyes, cherishing the closeness for a moment in spite of their mutual exhaustion.]
I'm going to put some moisturizer on your skin to rebalance the oils the makeup remover stripped off, [he murmurs, drawing back slightly with some difficulty to fetch the bottle. There's something deeply funny to him about the way he massages the lotion between his fingers to warm it as if it were lube before starting to apply it to Ren's face in gentle sweeps.]
(Watch as Ren makes that fantasy reality, ready to tell Akechi first thing in the morning just how beautiful the man in his arms truly is. Deep down, Ren knows Akechi will never truly listen, but he finds it that the more he says it, the more the other might at least accept that he believes what he says.
Arms close around Akechi's slender figure, kisses this close from deepening the kiss and still craving for contact when they part. His hand circles around his back, stopping between Akechi's shoulder blades where he caress.
Ah, that movement he's making? Ren's very acquainted with it, and while he could not truly grasp a word of what Akechi's said, he's more than interested-- ah, it's for his face? He should have paid attention, and he snorts at the exchange.)
It's been a while since I've seen you do that motion. If I weren't dead, you'd see something.
I didn't want to hear you bitch about it being cold. Insufferable.
[It's said defensively, and he jabs his fingers into Ren's cheek in punishment before smoothing it away with a gentle touch. For once, though, he appreciates that Ren is as tired as he is, though; there's no way he'd be up for anything in bed right now other than sleep.
Moisturizer applied, Akechi allows himself one more kiss to Ren's lips before stepping away decisively to wash his hands.]
(Okay, the combination of everything does lead Ren to laugh out loud, only interrupting it to kiss Akechi's lips once he's close enough, squeezing the man a little with his arms before he sneaks a kiss on his jaw - believe it or not, innocently.)
Thank you, honey.
(And once Akechi is no longer within reach, Ren allows the monster yawn to leave him, stretching once again much like a kitty before he sneaks his way to bed. It's cold, and it's a way to thank him if he manages to get it warm enough by the time Akechi comes back. He is, after all, a human heater.)
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Date: 2021-11-01 01:37 pm (UTC)(It's not an order, but the sternness in Ren's voice might as well be a very strong plead.)
What if it had been me? I had been transformed, and I ripped you apart?
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Date: 2021-11-01 01:42 pm (UTC)It's not the answer Ren wants to hear, but it's true. Ren could tear Akechi limb from limb, and it wouldn't even make up a fraction of what Akechi's done to him. His nostrils flare, and dimly, he realizes the burning he'd chalked up to exhaustion is tears welling in his eyes. He hasn't cried since he was a child, longer still in front of someone. Ren's cried in front of him, and that's fine, but the idea of crying in front of Ren is terrifying.]
You wouldn't enjoy it. [His voice emerges in a whisper, not daring to speak any louder.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 01:47 pm (UTC)(But in this place, the tenuous line between moral and immoral that Ren finds himself watching and walking, everything is possible. Ren wants to kiss Akechi, that's something he knows. As if the contact could wash away all the sadness, all the guilt that sinks within him... Unfortunately, that's not possible, not here, anyway.)
Please, Goro. Let me be with you.
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Date: 2021-11-01 01:52 pm (UTC)[It's a quiet, cracked whisper, an admission that's been lurking in the back of his mind for a long time. Years.
Who in their right mind would go to such lengths to exact revenge on one man? Who in their right mind would kill innocents just to serve their own aims? Who in their right mind would drive themselves mad with rage in pursuit of power, rip their own mind apart in an unquenchable bloodthirst? Who in their right mind would try to kill the one positive influence in their life, not once, but multiple times? Who in their right mind would enjoy it, would do it again, if only to keep someone else from doing it first?]
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Date: 2021-11-01 02:01 pm (UTC)(If Akechi doesn't know who he is, and he won't accept Ren's vision of him, that's the only thing they can do. Soul search, trying to understand who Akechi is outside his traumas, who he would aspire to become in a world far from their own.
He could start over. Ren silently hopes he can see that.)
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Date: 2021-11-01 02:23 pm (UTC)He just can't understand why Ren would go through such lengths for him. He never has, and honestly, can't imagine he ever will. His palms grind against his eyes until he can see sparks, trying in vain to stop the tears from flowing.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 02:29 pm (UTC)Ren doesn't care if he gets pushed, punched, or yelled at. The blanket that drapes over his shoulder now shelters both from the cutting wind, and Ren wraps his arm around the boy's waist under it to bring him closer.)
It's okay, Goro. I'm here with you.
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Date: 2021-11-01 02:36 pm (UTC)He only makes it a few moments before giving in and sagging against Ren's side, one hand still covering his eyes as if that might somehow stem the flow of tears. He doesn't deserve this, but selfishly, he refuses to push Ren away right now.]
Comforting your murderer, [he manages finally, when the tears have run dry and all that's left is a bone-numbing exhaustion.] You truly are a glutton for punishment.
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Date: 2021-11-01 02:43 pm (UTC)Nobody's looking, Ren certifies himself before leaving the tiniest of kisses on his forehead, making sure none of the rouge lipstick stains white skin.)
I'm comforting my boyfriend.
(It's different, see?)
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Date: 2021-11-01 02:53 pm (UTC)Honestly, you really are...
[He closes his eyes and exhales a sigh, allowing himself to rest his head against the other boy's shoulder. He's drained, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally in equal measure.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 03:00 pm (UTC)(Ren continues. Last time Akechi left it at that, it wasn't great all around, so Ren's quick to mend it with a cheeky remark and a laugh, albeit a quiet one. Ren's thumb caresses Akechi's waist with ease, but he knows they shouldn't be up for much longer. A lot's happened, and Akechi could use some sleep, couldn't he? Ren takes a hand, removing the glove to press a kiss to the soft, fragrant skin, and gestures towards the apartment.)
Let's go to bed. I want to kiss you good night.
(And sleep for a week, most likely.)
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Date: 2021-11-01 03:07 pm (UTC)He's loathe to leave the warmth of their impromptu, tiny blanket fort, but Ren's right. He certainly doesn't intend to sleep on the balcony, so he'll be the first one up, freeing himself from the blanket to allow Ren to wrap himself up into it.]
Agreed. I'll see you in there.
[As much as he'd love to climb right into bed, he does have to wash his face and at least try to combat the damage stress and lack of sleep has done to his skin over the last few days. It'll give Ren time to finish up his cigarette if he still needs it, anyway. Not to mention that of course he'll need to remove his own makeup.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 03:13 pm (UTC)Unlike Akechi, the makeup on his face is the least of his concerns. What is it going to do, become permanent on his skin? He'd look fabulous for life.
When Akechi returns, he'll find the usual scene of Ren in his boxers in bed, snuggling against a pillow that he koala-wrapped against.)
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Date: 2021-11-01 03:18 pm (UTC)The frown that curves his lips when he exits the bathroom and sees Ren in bed, apparently fully prepared to smear lipstick and foundation into his sheets, threatens to undo all that hard work.]
If you needed the bathroom, you could have just asked. I'm not washing my sheets because you stained them.
[With makeup, anyway.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 03:19 pm (UTC)(Whatever the fuck that was. Honestly, everything about the time he spent in that chair is a blur-- all he remembers, faintly, is the lady saying that no force on Earth would make his makeup smear, and she wouldn't lie to him, would she?)
I'll take it out tomorrow.
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Date: 2021-11-01 03:24 pm (UTC)[It's an order, Akechi resting one hand on his hip, the other crooking a finger in a firm "come here" motion.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 03:27 pm (UTC)(He corrects, excuse him, he knows what he said-- and everything Akechi says afterwards doesn't really make sense to Ren, unfortunately. The boy never really had a pimple to begin with, why would he care about clogged pores when his skin is just Protagonist Perfect and lip balm exists, etc?
Like a cat, he stretches in bed, as if he was summoning courage to stand up and move to Akechi, a pout on scarlet lips.)
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Date: 2021-11-01 03:33 pm (UTC)He clears space for Ren to take a seat on the counter and pours some makeup remover into a cotton pad. He's all business, as if perhaps if he pretends hard enough, Ren can't see the residual redness in his eyes from the earlier tears. His fingers take Ren's chin in a firm grip, but there's an obvious gentleness, almost reverence, in the way he swipes the the cotton pad across Ren's skin.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 03:41 pm (UTC)(And it causes him to giggle as Akechi works on removing all the layers of makeup upon his face. It's ticklish too, he might add. Ren's fine, and he's glad that Akechi at least still has it in him to call him an idiot after what they've just gone through.
Life is change, things are not everlasting in a perfect still manner, and yet, Ren wishes that the banter would remain. Witproximityoximity, Ren can see each of Akechi's flaws up close, and truly, before he can stop himself, his lips move without his willing them to:)
You're so beautiful.
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Date: 2021-11-01 03:46 pm (UTC)[It's a gentle chide without any heat behind it as Akechi slides himself between Ren's legs and uses his grip on Ren's chin to turn his head this way and that. He's not only removing makeup, but also using it as a real, tangible way to feel Ren's skin beneath his fingers, to confirm to himself that he's here, he's fine and not physically injured. The pad lingers only a moment over the center of Ren's forehead, and he leans forward as if he might kiss that spot.
Then Ren opens his stupid mouth again to say something ridiculous, and all Akechi can do is laugh, gently shoving Ren's head back with the cotton pad as if to punish him.]
You're delirious, [he dismisses, even as his cheeks flush a light pink with pleased embarrassment.] Keep your mouth shut unless you want to find out if this tastes as good as it smells.
[Spoiler: it doesn't as he swaps out the dirty cotton pad for a fresh one and switches to a different makeup remover to get to work on the lipstick.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 03:54 pm (UTC)He doesn't take it as punishment, but he doesn't get the chance to say anything else as Akechi works on removing the red from his lips. He patiently waits until Akechi's done, before his smile turns into something insufferable, and he puts his hands on freshly washed cheeks and saying it AGAIN.
No fear of death in this man.)
I think you're beautiful. I'll tell you again tomorrow.
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Date: 2021-11-01 04:01 pm (UTC)He leans in and gently kisses Ren's lips, in spite of the taste of the still-drying makeup remover. He sighs an exhale as he presses his forehead to Ren's and closes his eyes, cherishing the closeness for a moment in spite of their mutual exhaustion.]
I'm going to put some moisturizer on your skin to rebalance the oils the makeup remover stripped off, [he murmurs, drawing back slightly with some difficulty to fetch the bottle. There's something deeply funny to him about the way he massages the lotion between his fingers to warm it as if it were lube before starting to apply it to Ren's face in gentle sweeps.]
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Date: 2021-11-01 04:12 pm (UTC)Arms close around Akechi's slender figure, kisses this close from deepening the kiss and still craving for contact when they part. His hand circles around his back, stopping between Akechi's shoulder blades where he caress.
Ah, that movement he's making? Ren's very acquainted with it, and while he could not truly grasp a word of what Akechi's said, he's more than interested-- ah, it's for his face? He should have paid attention, and he snorts at the exchange.)
It's been a while since I've seen you do that motion. If I weren't dead, you'd see something.
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Date: 2021-11-01 04:16 pm (UTC)[It's said defensively, and he jabs his fingers into Ren's cheek in punishment before smoothing it away with a gentle touch. For once, though, he appreciates that Ren is as tired as he is, though; there's no way he'd be up for anything in bed right now other than sleep.
Moisturizer applied, Akechi allows himself one more kiss to Ren's lips before stepping away decisively to wash his hands.]
There. I hope you appreciate that.
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Date: 2021-11-01 04:22 pm (UTC)Thank you, honey.
(And once Akechi is no longer within reach, Ren allows the monster yawn to leave him, stretching once again much like a kitty before he sneaks his way to bed. It's cold, and it's a way to thank him if he manages to get it warm enough by the time Akechi comes back. He is, after all, a human heater.)
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